Philosophy of Rick Adlam
As I have gone through life I have been fortunate to pick up ways of dealing with stuff. Here's what I have learned over time.
Be real nice to others even when others are not being real nice to you:
Some people have said some terrible things to me. It used to hurt me. I could be a real sharpie and cut people back. Sometimes I would want to retaliate, and sometimes I did. It never solved the core issue because it wasn't about those issues. Now I understand that what people say to me is not how thy feel about me. Its a reflection of how they are feeling in their current circumstances. In a moment, an hour or a week later their response may be different to what I said. Timing can be the most important element in relationships with others.
Now I am patient, kind and forgiving of people that react badly to me because now I assume it's mostly due to a misunderstanding or a bad timing issue. And that might by my fault.
Seek to understand, before seeking to be understood:
I used to think that I had the right answers before others had the right question. Now I wait till all the facts are in before pronouncing judgment. Most times all the facts will never be known. But when I try to understand the other person, it makes what I say more interesting and useful to them.
Give a gift of time:
Time is my most precious asset. It is more valuable than money because if you have enough time you can make more money, but once you run at of time, that's all she wrote, regardless of how much money you have. I understand that when I die I will be dead an awful long time. So I need to use the time I have left and give of my time to others.
I have to give more than I hope to get:
If I want something to happen, I know I have to give a lot, before I get any response in my favour. I try to adopt the "Be a giver" philosophy wherever I can.
Its Better to be Proactive rather than reactive:
Reacting to life is what we do from the first breath we take to last one. In between I hope to master my destiny by looking ahead and doing what I need to do before I am forced by circumstances to act.
Never be in a hurry to get nowhere fast:
Make sure the goal is what you want to achieve, not what someone else says you should do. I have made some hasty decisions that have cost me years of my life. I have done what others have wanted, not what I have wanted. The result was largely spinning wheels and smoking tyres. Now I look at things I need to do more carefully before moving.
I can't read your mind:
I have discovered that by asking the right questions I can find out what is troubling people and then I can try to assist them with their needs, fears and desires.
Listen and see twice before speaking the once:
I used to presume I knew what people were about to say and then butt in. Boy did that make people angry. By listening and confirming what's being said, I became a better listener and a better solution finder.
List the twenty two things you are grateful for:
Why be grateful for anything when life is rotten to me? Because it changes my thinking, my attitude, my perspective and instantly enriches me.
Why 22 reasons. Because its hard for me to come up with more than four reasons to be grateful for my life or a bad situation I find myself in. I have to think about being grateful; real hard, and it may take a week or more for me to make the list. By then boy am I grateful for everything.
Be a Forgiver & be first to say you are sorry:
Many people have wronged me in life and in business, and I used to take pleasure in getting back at then. The result was largely a waste of time, even when I won big in court.
I have found that when I forgive the pain is released and feel good quicker and can then get on with the rest of my life.
I have also found that apologising even when I think that I have nothing to apologise for is the way to quickly mend fences and allows the other party to save face. They usually admit that it was their fault when they discover its no big deal to be right.
Be accommodating of others beliefs and points of view:
I have always liked people regardless of their religious persuasion, political views and core values. I have ceased long ago to try to persuade others to think like me, feel as I do about issues because its largely a wasted of time and energy. I accept people that think differently to me. In fact I like people who don't always agree with me more than those that always do! To me a point of difference is attractive.